Life Loves Me. That was the fake it til you make it attempt at hope for the day but I am already back to zero. About 5 hours later. I feel like pain of my relationship not going the way I want it to is so consuming. That's what this is all about. My primary relationship is in shambles.
And its the near the core of my Russian doll. You have to put them together in order of else you can not put the whole doll/puzzle together. I feels so hard to be ... just to be ... in the rest of my world when this one thing feel so off.
The off-ness is one thing. But the loss of the on-ness is so so so much worse to me. I remember what it felt like to feel so solid in the relationship sector of my life. Not that I had everything I wanted or that it was perfect but I was 100% clear that I was deeply loved and able to love someone who wanted my love. Having that security and losing it has beenmy ticket to groundlessness.
I have a note on my vision board, "You are going to figure this out". A wise woman once told me that. She seems to really believe I could. I cannot believe that right now. I am going to pretend to held her belief that I can to try to save myself from going off the edge now.
My chant: Life Loves Me. I will figure this out.